there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
