I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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