I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
