dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize