well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
