I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
