don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize