I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
