I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
