oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
