JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
