Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
