I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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