Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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