Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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