i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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