Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
