i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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