p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
