words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize