$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
