Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We need a shit load of segways right now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
