yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize