Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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