oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
