so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
