She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
