I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
