Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
