Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
