Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
