Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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