So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
