My brain says no but my pants say off.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
