My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
