Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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