come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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