I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
