"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Shame - the story of my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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