she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
