I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
