Hey man sorry I got all grabby
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
YAS. BRING CRAB.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
