Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
