What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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