i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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