u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize