I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
