Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
