I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
