carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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