I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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