so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
