This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize