So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
