i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
