i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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