i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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