Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
