I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
