Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
