I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
