don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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