the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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