we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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