Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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