Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize