Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He passed out mid-signature
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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