I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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