I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
