Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
