grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
