Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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