4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
